Introducing kink into your relationship is a tricky revealing something about yourself that may feel new and very different to your sexual partner. Showing up with an armful of both paddles or leather chaps without warning is probably to freak them (or anybody) out. “You ought to think of it like slipping into a cold bathwater,” urges sex expert Dr. Ian Kerner. Take it slow; or introduce kink through The Art of Bondassage, a 7-week course that we created which helps you introduce kink into the bedroom.
Remember, nobody should be placed in a situation where they feel uncomfortable. After following this guide and experiencing The Art of Bondassage if your partner is not into it, do not push it. They might not be able to meet your kink.
1. Determine what your kinks are. Knowing not precisely what turns you on, but why and how it turns you on, can get your spouse excited about attempting something they are not used to. Check out this list of kinks.
2. Sneak pieces of kink into your intimacy. Introduce kink slowly, offering little bits of your kink can help open the door to more exploration. Don’t go all out handcuffing them without any warning, or covering them in hot wax. Some mild spanking or filthy talk (likely) will not kill your spouse’s sex drive immediately, even though they are somewhat confused immediately.
3. Giving your spouse instructions and tell them why you love to see them do a particular task. Create layers of turn-on with instructions and rewards your lover. Always look to see your partner is enjoying themselves rather than resenting you.
4. Show them just how much you like it. Show your partner how much you are turned by the activity. Be outspoken, when you are introducing them for the very first time and show them how sexy it gets you.
5. Be open. Simply because you are into severe punishment and your spouse is not, does not necessarily mean your sex life is doomed. Try to find a kink that is similar which you are both into. Delaying an orgasm could be a variation on punishment. Building erotic tension between you can be a form of punishment. Even regular vanilla people enjoy a small amount of teasing, and it can be a laced with withholding.
6. Take turns. Create opportunities to pleasure each other. You might enjoy having your feet massaged. And your partner might enjoy being spanked. You might discover that you enjoy having your toes sucked. Set aside time to discover what turns each of you on. Everyone loves something kinky. Often a lot of domestic things can become pervertable.